


there is hope here

by lialle



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: 5 + 1, Angst, Bisexual Characters, Finn deals with his past, Finn learns, Fluff, Gen, Hurt Finn, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Poe is a bit of a slut, Poe teaches, Poe teaches Finn about things, Slow Build, Somewhat, Stormpilot, TFA spoilers, finn's pov, set after tfa
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-10
Updated: 2016-01-11
Packaged: 2018-05-13 00:03:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,372
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5686756
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lialle/pseuds/lialle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Five times Poe teaches Finn about life and being free, plus one time Finn teaches Poe.</p><p>Or, Finn struggles with life in the Resistance and Poe helps him figure things out.</p><p>*</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Finn has been awake, but bedridden, for around a week when the first person other than Poe comes by. They're timid at first, peeking past the curtain that surrounds his bed before saying hello. They gently brush the curtain aside so they can come in. Finn doesn't recognise them, but they're wearing a pilot uniform, so he knows that they must have some connection to Poe. She sits down at his bedside, a small smile on her pretty face, her hair a short, messy bob. 

"I've heard a lot about you from Poe, he said you could do with more company." She starts, looking nervous and little out of place on the hard metal chair that usually occupied Poe. Finn gave her a small smile, despite the fact that his shoulders were stiff with pain. “My name’s Lo-lah.” She went quiet again, wringing her hands in her lap. Finn watched her for a moment. 

“Nice to meet you, Lo-lah. Poe sent you?” He asks, pulling up his thin blanket a little higher on his chest. He was wearing a light hospital gown, easy to open at the back, and it made him feel exposed. Especially as she looked at him, eyes roaming his upper body, as if she were trying to figure something out.

“Yeh… sort of. He said only he was really coming to see you, and he was worried… I thought… maybe I could come talk to you. I’m new here, just joined the resistance. I use to be part of the Republic’s airforce, but after the Hosnian System…” Lo-lah broke off, looking away from Finn, over at the curtain opposite her. She looked like she was wound tight, the muscles in her neck taught, he shoulders straight and back stiff. Her lips were pursed, eyes shiny. “Well, I came here, after.”

Finn sighed, nodding. Poe had mentioned that a few pilots and troopers from the Republic had joined after the Hosnian System was destroyed, having nothing to go back to and no military to to take care of them. Some who had family in other systems went home, some went to the other side of the galaxy, the rest joined the Resistance. Finn didn’t understand those who joined, not really. But he supposed he made the same decision, in the end. 

Lo-lah turned her gaze back to him, looking at him expectantly. He looked back at her, and raised his eyebrows in question. She relaxed her shoulders, and crossed her legs. Finn guessed she took that as her cue, as she started talking again.

“My family… they were on Hosnian Prime. I was supposed to be there with them—” Her voice broke, sounding wet with tears. “But I, I wasn’t. I was called out for a training drill, and then we got the call…” Lo-lah trailed off, letting her head hang, her hands covering her face. She sniffled, and wiped away tears. Finn watched her awkwardly, trying to force his face into a sympathetic expression, but he only ended up looking scared. His eyebrows were drawn together, eyes wider than usual. Lo-lah looked up at him, her head bobbing in small nods. “I know, it’s not like I could have done anything for them, it’s not like I could have saved them. But… but I just feel like I should have been there, you know?”

“Um, yeh.” Finn nodded, thinking that was the right thing to say. He had never been in a situation like that. Not even when Rey had been taken by the First Order, he had done everything he could then to get to her, and even she had been taken he had gone above and beyond to try and get her back safe. Lo-lah sighed, and launched into a story about her friends, about how beautiful her home city was, about the food she had loved and the bars she had frequented. She told Finn about all the things she would miss, and about the people she mourned. Finn listened as she spoke, and he wondered why she had come to see him. She had to know that while he sympathised with her, he didn’t even know her, didn’t have the experience with friends and family to empathise completely (although now he was beginning to understand, he had Rey and Poe to care about). It was awkward, and the more she spoke, the more Finn wanted her to leave. But despite this, he could see this was helping her. He could see the stress melting away from her face, a small smile of fondness growing on her face, her sadness abating and being replaced with nostalgia. Talking was helping her, although hearing all these stories made Finn feel worse.

It felt like Lo-lah spoke to Finn for an hour, or even more, before Poe walked in. He paused on the other side of the curtain, listening to Lo-lah talk to Finn about her home and her life before the Resistance. Finn could see his silhouette behind Lo-lah, and he watched the other man hesitate before pulling part of the curtain back. It clicked and scraped as it slid along the curtain rod that hung from the ceiling, the sound sudden and causing Lo-lah to startle.

“Oh! Poe, hi, hey, how are you?” She blushed, looking up at the pilot. Poe gave a half smile and a short wave down at her before turning his attention to Finn.

“Hey buddy. I see you’ve met Lo-lah.” Poe grinned at Finn, moving to stand closer to his cot. 

“Oh, yeh. She’s been… nice.” Finn pulled his blanket up higher, up to his chin. His back was burning, the pain tightening his shoulders. His legs were starting to prickle with pin prick pain that ran up and down them, something the medidroid said was a result of not moving his legs for an extended period. It hurt far too much to stretch though, putting pressure on the tender healing skin on his back.

Poe didn’t look convinced by Finn’s assessment of Lo-lah. He raised an eyebrow and turned back to the new recruit. She smiled at him sweetly, pure admiration on her face.

“I think Finn needs a nap.” Poe told her, making an effort to be gentle in his words. He looked down at her with an open expression and a soft smile. She looked up at him for a moment before starting.

“Oh! Oh, of course. Thank you so much for listening Finn, you’re a star!” Lo-lah grinned at him as she stood up. She smoothed the back of pants down, looking shyly at Poe before retreating behind the curtains and out of the med-bay. Poe shook his head, turning to look down at Finn.

“You look like you need some pain meds. I’ll go find a nurse or a medidroid.” He left the small curtained area around Finn’s beds and came back a few moments later, a nurse in tow. The nurse brought with her a small glass of water and a plastic cup with pills in it, which Finn swallowed gratefully. These pills always helped to push the pins and needles in his legs back, and numbed the burning in his back. Poe took the glass and the cup off him, handing them back to the nurse, who smiled at the two of them and left. Poe took Lo-lah’s set, crossing his right leg over his left.

“Sorry about Lo-lah.” Poe began, looking at Finn. Finn shook his head.

“No, she was alright.” Finn insisted, shaking his head. Poe looked skeptical for a moment before shrugging. 

“Okay…” Poe let it go, moving on to tell Finn all about his day, his training, Jessika’s crush on a new recruit and how much he’s looking forward to introducing Finn to life outside the medbay.

*

It became more frequent for people Finn had never met to come by when Poe wasn’t around. Lo-lah continued to drop in as well, but slowly her conversations moved away from talking about home and the people she missed, to everything else that was happening around the base. But word had spread that Finn was a good listener, and he took up an unofficial title as counselor. It was draining, and usually always ended up ruining his mood for the rest of the day. He wanted to be there for these people, but every time they spoke about stormtroopers he felt like their problems were his own fault. It made him feel guilty, which made him feel like he had to keep listening. 

One day, after another pilot had come by to talk about a particularly grueling mission, Finn cried. He curled into ball on his side, pulling at the tight, healing wound on his back, and gripped his lumpy pillow tight. He buried his face into the pillow and felt angry tears well in his eyes. They fell, dampening the pillowcase, and Finn clenched and unclenched his jaw. He was so tired, and so angry, but he couldn’t place what at. He wanted to yell, to tell everyone to leave him alone, to go to the First Order and hand himself over so he wouldn’t feel so guilty. 

Guilty. Finn turned his head so his cheek rested on the pillow, blinking his blurred eyes. That was how he felt. He was angry, and miserable, but guilt was the overriding feeling. Guilty that he couldn’t help the Resistance, that the Hosnian System had been destroyed, that Han had died… It was irrational to feel like all of these things were his fault, that he could stop them, but the more he listened to the people in the Resistance, the more he felt like he could have done more— no, should have done more.

Finn sighed, forcing himself to relax his shoulders and the muscles in his back. The scar throbbed. Behind him, he heard the curtain part, soft footsteps coming inside to his small space. He heard the other person sigh as they collapsed into the metal chair, heard them stretch and their back pop. Poe.

“Finn… you awake?” Poe asked quietly, not wanting to wake up his friend if he was asleep.

“Yeh…” Finn replied, sighing.

“What’s wrong?” Poe asked, and Finn heard the scrapping of the chair on the ground as he moved it closer. Finn sighed again, uncurling himself and rolling onto his back, looking up and Poe. Poe’s eyebrows were drawn together in worry, his lips pursed. It was becoming a common look for him. “You’ve been crying… Finn, is everything okay?”

“Yeh… yeh I’m fine.” Finn nodded, looking away from Poe and up at the ceiling. He heard Poe sigh, felt his hand rest on his bicep.

“You can talk to me, buddy.” Finn thought about it, thought about telling him everything, the people coming to tell him their problems, about how guilty he felt about everything. But he couldn’t do that, not to Poe. Finn shook his head.

“I’m okay.” Finn insisted, looking back to Poe. His chest tightened though, Poe’s expression had changed from worry to hurt.

“I’m your friend, aren’t I? You can tell me anything, that’s what friends are for.” Poe started to pull his hand back from Finn’s arm when he stayed silent, but Finn’s hand shot out and held onto him. Finn bit his lip, eyebrows drawn together.

“No. I mean, yes, you’re my friend, but I don’t want… I don’t want to burden you. I don’t want you to worry about me, or feel bad. I—” Finn started, looking away from Poe again. He held onto his hand, but the position was awkward and pulled at his back, so he slowly let it go. Poe’s hand didn’t move again, it stayed on Finn’s bicep.

“Finn…” Poe started, but sighed, shaking his head. “I want you to tell me everything. I want you to feel like you can talk to me. I’m sure Rey feels the same. We’re you’re friends, we’re here for you. If you don’t want to talk, that’s fine, I won’t push you.” Poe sighed again, looking down at his hand on Finn’s arm. “Nothing you say will make me feel like you’re burdening me. Ever.”

“Okay. I believe you.” Finn nodded to punctuate his words. “So, friends tell each other these things? About things that are bothering them?”

“Yes.” Poe sat back, pulling his hand back and resting them in his lap. Finn felt sorry to feel the warmth of his hand go.

“What about other people? People you don’t know very well?” Finn asked. Poe frowned, tilting his head to the side.

“What do you mean?”

“Like… with Lo-lah, that time. She came here and spoke to me about the Hosnian System, and how she lost people. Is it normal for people you don’t know to talk to you about those things?” Finn asked, watching Poe. The other man shifted in his seat, frowning.

“Not… usually. Some people talk to others about issues that the other person isn’t close to, like a therapist or something. But most people don’t… burden others they don’t know, who don’t want to be a part of those conversations.” Poe paused, looking down at his hands. “Have a lot of people been talking to you?”

Finn shrugged, looking away. He bit his lip and stared at the ceiling, counting the tiles for the hundredth time. There were 56 in his curtained area.

“Finn… you don’t have to let other people talk to you about things you don’t want them to. Especially if it’s upsetting you. Do you want me to ask them to stop?” Poe asked, leaning forward and resting his elbows on his thighs. Finn took a deep breath and sighed.

“I don’t know. Maybe. I think listening to them is helping them though.”

“But it clearly isn’t helping you. Finn, these people have other people they can talk to. There are medidroids programmed to be counselors. You don’t have to hurt yourself by listening to them.” Finn pushed himself up into a sitting position, turning to glare at Poe.

“Half of their problems have to do with the First Order. With stormtroopers. I’m a stormtrooper.”

“No you’re not. Not anymore. You’re part of the Resistance, what you were doesn’t matter anymore.” Poe insisted. Finn huffed angrily, shaking his head.

“Yes it does! It might be my past, but I still was a stormtrooper. Just because I’m now part of the Resistance, it doesn’t mean I’m free from my past. That was me! That was my life!” Finn yelled, balling his hands up into fists at his sides. He breathed heavily, and his glare softened. Poe sat there, letting him yell, a soft smile on his face.

“You’re right, I’m sorry. But just because that was your past, it doesn’t mean that’s your future. You don’t need to punish yourself, okay? I don’t want you to punish yourself. None of that was your choice, and you broke away and saved yourself - saved me - and… and here you are. You’re making your own choices now.” Poe smiled at him. Finn frowned, thinking, and looked down at his hands. He relaxed them, and looked at his palms. 

He was free. He was still part of this conflict, but he had choices. He could leave, and go make a life for himself. He could stay, and help the Resistance make life save for everyone else. Finn looked up at Poe, and gave him a soft smile.

“Thanks, Poe.” 

“Anytime, buddy. Anytime. Now, about those pesky people using your shoulder to cry on… What do you wanna do?” Poe asked, crossing his legs.

“Oh… um… I think I’ll handle it on my own. Thank you.”

“Suit yourself!” A comfortable silence fell between them before Poe spoke up again. “Oh! I just remembered, I spoke to the doctor earlier and he told me you’re out of here by the end of the week!” Finn laughed, shaking his head.

“Yeh, but I gotta stay in a hoverchair and do serious amounts of physical therapy until I’m cleared to walk on my own again...”

They chatted for the next half hour, until a young pilot came to fetch Poe for a meeting with General Organa. When he was gone, Finn thought about their conversation. He knew Poe was right. It wasn’t good to continue to be the shoulder to cry on for others. He’d support them, he couldn’t not do that, but he had to take care of himself as well. So Finn made the decision to talk to each of them when they next came by, to say he wanted to be friends, but he didn’t want to just talk about the bad things with them. He needed some good, too.


	2. Chapter 2

Finn had been out of the medibay for a month by the time he had his next life lesson from Poe. They had been spending increasing amounts of time together, mainly with the excuse of showing Finn the ropes of life with the Resistance. There was a lot he still had to learn, but it was nice to know that being severely injured didn’t end with a bullet to the head. Or however the First Order disposed of useless stormtroopers, Finn wasn’t really sure. 

Every tour of the base ended with lunch or dinner in the dining hall. Poe made sure to keep the both of them well fed, and tried not to tire Finn out too much. There were a lot of people to meet though, and Finn was scared he’d never learn all their names. He was getting the feeling even Poe didn’t know them all either though, as he had a lot of vague nicknames for people. Finn wanted to try though, it was nice having names to remember instead of designations. Even if half of them were nicknames, like Finn’s. It was nice to be known by something else other than letters and numbers.

It was to be another busy day, Poe was due back from a mission that afternoon, so he spent the morning with his hoverchair reading manuals and trying to understand everything he could about the tools and machines the Resistance used. He might have worked in sanitation as a stormtrooper, but his training had been varied and intense. He wanted to give that much dedication to all facets of the Resistance. He wanted to be useful. 

So it was after 12pm that Poe found him, seated at the small desk cut into the wall in his tiny room. He had manuals spread out over the desktop, as well as boxes on the floor and more manuals on his tiny cot. Poe had opened the door and leaned on the doorframe, arms folded across his chest and a disbelieving look on his face.

“You’re still at it. Haven’t you read all these, like, a billion times already?” He asked with a laugh, shaking his head fondly. He pushed himself off the doorframe and moved to stead behind Finn’s hoverchair, peering over his shoulder and down at a manual on one of the stoves used in the kitchen. “Why do you want to know about that?” Finn shrugged, pushing the manual away.

“I want to know everything.” Finn replied, looking up at Poe. “Maybe when I can walk on my own, you can show me the X-Wings up close? I want to know how they work as well. How to fix them.” Poe raised his eyebrows.

“From what I hear, you need to learn how to tell the difference between tools first. Why all the effort into this, though?” Poe picked up a manual on the comm devices used in helmets.

“I want to be useful, when I’m better.” Finn replied, moving his hoverchair away from the desk. Poe jumped out of his way, shaking his head at his friend with a soft smile.

“You’re ridiculous. You already are useful, Finn. You’re a great fighter, a great person. We’re lucky to have you.” Poe moved some of the manuals over so he could sit down on the bed. Finn sighed, watching his friend as he sat down.

“Yeh, but I’m not like you or Rey. I want to be better. I want to be out of this chair. I want to actually be doing something!” Finn smacked his hand down on the arm of the hoverchair, frustrated. He huffed, looking over at the still open door. “You eaten yet? I’m starved.” Poe laughed and shook his head.

“I’ll never understand you. But yes, I’m hungry.” Poe stood up, waving at Finn to head out the door first. He followed behind him, out into the hall, and then walked beside him as they made their way to the dining hall. The door slid shut behind them with a _schlick_. 

“How did the mission go?” Finn asked, looking up at Poe. Poe shrugged.

“Well, I guess. We only got part of what we were looking for, but we know where to find the rest. So that’s good.” Poe replied, turning right through a set of open doors. Inside was the busy dining hall, full of chatter and clanking cutlery. There were at least a hundred people eating, and twenty people working in the kitchen. Since it was after the lunch rush, this was considered quiet. Poe lead them to their usual table, which was blissfully free of Jess and Snap and the other pilots that hung around those two. 

“You stay, I’ll go get us something to eat. The usual?” Poe asked Finn. Finn shrugged.

“Sure, whatever.” Poe nodded and headed up to the kitchen. Finn watched him, head in his palm, and sighed. The usual… it was almost worse than the gruel he got with the First Order, and that was saying something. He debated long ago whether or not he should tell Poe that he hated the food he kept giving him, but it was Poe’s favourite… he didn’t have the heart to tell him it was disgusting. It was this weird rice porridge mixed with this even weirder moldy vegetable _thing_ that was similar to something Poe use to eat on Yavin 4. It was disgusting. 

Poe came back with a grin, putting the tray down in front of Finn. Finn looked down at it and took a deep breath to steal his nerves, before picking up the spoon and shoveling a bite in his mouth.

“Mmmmm.” Finn forced a grin at Poe. “Deri-shoush.” He spoke around his mouthful, forcing himself to swallow. His grin must have turned into a grimace, since Poe frowned. He looked confused.

“Is something wrong? Did they burn it?” Poe took a delicate bite, and stared down at his bowl. His brow furrowed, and he looked up. And then at Finn’s bowl, and then back at Finn. “You don’t like it.”

“No! It’s fine. See?” Finn took another bite, swallowing and forcing another smile at Poe. “Delicious.” Poe sighed, putting his spoon down. “Oh nononononono. No, we are not doing another disappointed Finn talk, okay?” Finn went to have another spoonful, but Poe pulled the bowl away from him.

“Finn. I’m not disappointed.” Poe said in a disappointed voice. Finn raised his eyebrow, awkwardly holding his empty spoon. Poe rolled his eyes. “Seriously. If you don’t like something, you can say so. Shit, how many times have I made you eat this?” He shook his head.

“Uh… Poe, it’s fine. I’ve had worse.” Finn replied, but couldn’t help but think to himself how he seriously, literally, had never had anything worse than this slop. Poe looked skyward.

“What have I done to deserve this.” He laughed, shaking his head. “Finn, it’s fine to tell someone that you don’t like something. It’s fine to have favourites and dislikes. I won’t get offended if you don’t like my favourite food. And I promise to not get offended if you ask me to get you something different. It’s fine. Trust me.” Finn hesitated a moment, looking at his spoon.

“Okay… well… in that case. What else does the kitchen have today?” Poe grinned, taking Finn’s bowl of his tray and putting it on his own.

“They have a nice smelling soup that has heaps of vegies and what looks like some kind of bird. Maybe chicken.” Poe suggested, grabbing the now empty tray.

“Okay, I’ll try that. Thanks, Poe.” Finn smiled softly at his friend, a little hesitant. Poe continued to grin.

“No problem.” Poe stood up and headed back to the kitchen, shaking his head at Finn and chuckling to himself. Finn rolled his eyes, but secretly he felt relieved. He thanked whatever higher power that was out there that he didn’t have to have that moldy rice porridge again. His mind went off on a tangent from there, wondering if it were the Force that you’d be thanking, or if there was something that controlled the force? Or maybe he should be thanking the Jedi? Finn stared at his spoon in thought, frowning. How did that work? Maybe he’d ask Rey when he spoke to her next. She’d probably be able to ask Luke Skywalker for him.

Poe broke him out of his musings when he put another tray in front of him. This one looked much, much better. There were things he recognised for one, like meat, and that green vegetable that he didn’t know the name off, and it smelled great. He took a spoonful and slurped, and the salty soup flavour filled his mouth. He moaned in delight, taking another spoonful with some of the meat and slurped again. Definitely chicken. 

“Poe! This is delicious.” Finn grinned at his friend, who was looking at him with a small smile, shaking his head.

“Good.” Poe took another bit of his, and Finn grimaced.

“How do you eat that. Here, try some of this!” Finn shoved a spoon in his face, and Poe hesitantly tried the soup. He frowned, pushing Finn’s hand away.

“Way to salty for me. Thanks, buddy. You keep it.” Poe took a drink of some water that he had brought back, cleaning out the salty flavour. Finn shrugged.

“Cool, more for me!” They finished their meal in comfortable silence, Finn thinking about what Poe had said. 

He was right (again).

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!
> 
> I have more written already, and I have this all planned. So I will be finishing!! Let me know what you think. :)


End file.
